www.theangryfijian.com www.thefeej.com

Reading this makes me very proud.

Thanks Beat Magazine and Melbourne

( @iheartguitar, @evilutione5150 )

I MEAN.. AUSSIE’S OWN NATIONAL EMBLEM – TODDY ‘HOH’ FUC KOFF HANSEN – IS THE NEW DRUMMER FOR MAN MUST DIE!

http://legacy.roadrunnerrecords.com/blabbermouth.net/news.aspx?mode=Article&newsitemID=170055&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blabbermouth+%28Blabbermouth.net%27s+Daily+Headlines%29&utm_content=FeedBurner

AWESOME WORK MATE!

<3 YA YA BIG KYAUNNNT

A). Nipple cripple Mike Tyson at a bar?

or

B). Wear an Ed Hardy T-shirt in public?

Adelaide comedian Leigh Qurban has chimed in with this weeks hypothetical.

Question is:

Would you rather:

A). Put on a condom with 15 bull ants in it?

or

B). Go down on Oprah Winfrey to the point of orgasm after she’s spent 30 mins on a treadmill?

Catch Leigh Qurban at the Fringe as part of “TAKING THE PISS” ( WORLDS END ) 25/2/2012, 2/3/2012 and 16/3/2012

When I saw that flyer, I went from bliss to misery. Yay Faith No More is playing more shows to:

Yeah Im jealous of those fuckers. So what.

Do you know I missed out on playing with Faith No More by one fucking year? The year we played Soundwave, the fucking year after Faithies reunite.

And now this!? Ruined my fucking day as my Mrs would say.

They better, on stage say something along the lines of “Faith No More you are the greatest ever band ever to make music, and we are proud as fuck to be playing our songs with you”

Or else.

Not the biggest fan of IKTPQ, actually Im totally not a fan of them at all, but from one Adelaide metal head to another, good on yas.

Fucking Prom Queen the cunts. As If they get to have their name underneath Faith No More.

Well done I suppose. You fucking cunts I hate you.

I went camping recently. I took my Spanish Labrador Retriever, Tockleys, and a blind man who I ran over into at the end of my street. As it turned out, he slept straight for the whole 3 weeks we were away – even while I was dropping him off in near a dumpster on the seedy side of town when we returned from our adventure. He was a cunt. Terrible company. But that’s beside the point. The thing you need to know about me is, I’m not a very outdoorsy kind of bloke. I once went into my backyard and stepped on a three corner jack, so you know, don’t tell me about the hazards of the great wild wilderness that surrounds us. I know mate! First hand. Its hell out there, and I’m not gonna be the guy you see on the news who dies from a snakebite, or disappears bushwalking, or leaves his house. So anyway, I reluctantly went camping. Roughing it. Just a man, against the elements. And his dog. And a corpse his blind friend.

Never in my life have I felt so vulnerable. During the day it could reach temperatures of up to 28 degrees Celsius, and nights it would sometimes dip as low as 12 or 13 degrees. Luckily the deluxe campervan I was travelling in had a thermostat which I could set at whatever temperature I chose. And the TV in that fucker! Whoah. That bitch was bigger than your fat head. And how’s this? The motherfucker had its own satellite dish. I could watch TV from all over the world. One day I’d be watching a cooking show which highlighted the culinary delicacies of Guam; the next I’d spend watching handicapped women’s basketball live from Pakistan. I’m telling you. This thing was fucking great! Most of the time I watched Simpsons repeats. As for camp food, I made sure I packed about 300 Lite n’ Easy meals in the fridge, because I knew nothing that’s actually edible can be found outdoors. But I got sick of them, so I didn’t always eat them, but then I’d get hungry, and because I had all those microwave dinners ready to go (and nothing else), I ate them. I woke up one morning and these bloody birds were going ballistic outside. I went to the door and stepped halfway out and yelled at them, ‘Shut up you fucken cunts!”. They didn’t shut up. By then I could feel the sun beating down on my face, and I was really starting to feel the heatstroke sucking the life outta me, so I went and had a little lie down in the campervan’s king size bed. The birds kept going, but I just put some headphones on and listened to Enya. Not that Sail Away song. Some other shit she put out. The next day the exact same thing happened, and I was starting to go mad, so I set my dog Tockleys on the birds, and wouldn’t ya know it – he wiped out every single last one of them. You shoulda seen the cheeky little bugger come back – his mouth all full of feathers and crap. I patted him on the head, and rewarded him with two Lite n’ Easy meals. I’m still curious what kind of birds they were. They definitely looked sort of rare and exotic. Ahh, fuck ‘em.

That pretty much wraps up my camping adventure. As you can see, Mother Nature is not one to be toyed with by the uneducated and the unprepared. Although my ability to adapt seamlessly to new and strange environments is one of my many talents, I can honestly say that if I ever have to go camping again I will gladly shank myself with a plastic teaspoon. I have big hands you know.

Some people think that if they drink heaps of tea that will be of some benefit to their health. I honestly don’t know if that’s true or not. And I don’t even have an opinion. And even if I did, I would be the last person anyone should ask, or listen to, because I really have no idea. I’m not the go-to guy if you want to ask someone about that. If I was stranded on a desert island with one other person, and a ship came sailing past and someone on it yelled out, “What’s your thoughts on the pros and cons of drinking tea regularly?”, I’d shout back at them, “Apparently they’re full of anti-oxidants or some shit, and they’re supposed to be pretty good for you from what I’ve heard, but I really don’t know – ask the other person on the island.” And that would be that. Hopefully the other cunt on the island knows something.

So, with all that in mind, what do the readers of the Feej think are gonna be this winters hottest colours? Will summers reds, oranges and greens blended with caramal hues such as lilac, coral, cream, peach and banana linger on into the cooler months, or will subtle shades like aquamarine, lavender, cantaloupe, spindrift, or honeydew take centre stage as this season’s must wear colours?

With a loving backhand across your face and arse cheeks and one tit, in that order, yours faithfully,
V8 & Vodka

Ba Doom Tis

What’s the matter Kev!!!??? Don’t like the fucken speech?

As if Kevo didn’t release this video himself, knowing it will go viral.

http://www.perthnow.com.au/news/western-australia/bedside-vigil-for-burns-woman/story-e6frg143-1226274609015

Hope the surgery goes smoothly and pain free.

Sending good energy from net land.

http://heavymag.com.au/the-heavy-50/

Actually DOUBLE DRAGON NUMBER 1 or 2.

Go and vote people!!!

If you need to hear the songs they are here:

http://heavymag.com.au/the-heavy-50/

http://heavymag.com.au/the-heavy-50/

http://heavymag.com.au/the-heavy-50/